To document or not to document, that is the question

Benalmadena, Andalucia

Jerez de la Frontera, Andalucia

Jerez de la Frontera, Andalucia

Why do I always lean on William Shakespeare when I cannot think of a title for something? I mean, I know it´s not clever, funny or original, yet I still do it. In fact, I can remember most recently this last spring semester when I leaned on him once again, although that time in Spanish. After choosing to spend my time reporting for a story for the Minnesota Daily, my Spanish paper was due the following day at noon, and it wasn´t going to write itself.

I remember translating this famous phrase into Spanish in an effort to compose some crappy 2 page essay on my work computer before sprinting down University Avenue to not be late to the class I was perpetually late for. I dreaded my weekly wince as my Spanish culture professor would stop talking, glare at me, look at the clock, and then back to the class as I opened the door. However, to this day I still think it´s ridiculous that a Spanish culture professor is actually bothered by tardiness, as the entire Spanish culture revolves around being late. I mean, honestly. OK I´ll chill out because that topic would be an entire different blog entry full of my unneccesary passionate thoughts on this subject, so I´ll attempt to corral this back to my intended topic.

While my blogging attempts may seem to be an epic fail for the month of November, my lack of posts was part of an experiment of mine. However, my experiment to forego the documentation of my thoughts, ideas and experiences is something that every traveler has to decide between every single day of a trip or time in another country. For those of you who have traveled or lived abroad at some point, I know you have felt the same inner conflict that I constantly feel:

Do you stop, take the picture from another angle or exposure, write down your new ideas on life the culture has shown you--or do you just feel the moment and capture it solely for yourself in your mind forever?

I have this innate need to document every moment, thought, and frame of my trip. You should see me when I head out the door everyday or for a trip. I am equipped with my SLR and my camera bag along with my two lenses, just in case one does not have the focal length I might desire for a photo. I also bring my two notebooks, each with a different use to capture my thoughts or plans. While I may sound like a freak, I can´t help it. The problem is that this deep desire to capture everything contrasts with another part of me that is stronger; I live in the moment. I have this desire to feel, do and be in the moment I am in so deeply to be able to take it in with all of its authenticity and emotion. A clicking shutter disrupts this sometimes.

Here enters my lack of blogging. Those of you who speak with me regularly during my time here may have also noticed my lack of personal stories as well. Honestly, it was just because I was tired of the feeling that I might be missing out on feeling and learning from the moments I was experiencing because I was so preoccupied with capturing them to share with others and have physical proof of for myself later down the road.

Of course, my four years of studying to become a professional journalist, in which I hope I was drilled hard enough to learn how to capture everything to compress and share with others, does not help. It also may make my innate need to capture things stronger than others. Capturing ideas, feelings, events and atmospheres is what I am trained to do. But what if I want a year off of that before I hit the journalism road hard (if I find myself lucky enough with a job)? Isn't a year living on the Mediterranean the perfect time to do this?

As with how most problems in life are answered, I think I have found a perfect medium now or idea of how to go about this. It's funny how problems in life and relationships are rarely answered by drastic decisions which only polarize towards one end. It's almost always the median.

I remember having this same problem living in Barcelona. I was always at the back of the tour groups, taking extra pictures. When I saw the Acropolis or saw the perfect sunset at the seaside restaurant, I was always making the group or friend I was with wait around as I shot extra frames. However, those pictures and journal entries I made were things I have looked back on regularly when I returned to the U.S. for the last year and a half. They provide an escape to a different world and an outlook from a different MacKenzie. I like them, and I like being able to escape to that mentality when I want to by looking at photos or reading a past thought I had. They help me grow.

Long story short--I'll be writing again.

I'll never not be the last person in a tour group taking photos. However, I'm going to follow some words of wisdom my favorite photojournalism professor told me about one of his assignments. He told us he shot as many frames for the newspaper as he could, but that he kept some for himself. He used his pointer finger to point to his temple with a smile and said, "Those, now those are all mine."

After a reading over this post for edits, I can't help but feel how lucky I am that I actually have this as a worry in my life right now.

Miss you all,

Kenz